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April 01, 2009

Daily Candy: Smell Ya Later

bettermarriage.jpgAt last! I wrote this piece on a blanket that is poot-retardant ages ago and Daily Candy was just waiting for them to go into production to publish it. Read it at Daily Candy or view it after the jump.

April 1, 2009 Smell Ya Later Better Marriage Blanket

Your relationship of late: fresh, fruity, and (sadly) rooty-tooty.

Your partner’s nocturnal emissions have you worried that the honeymoon is over. And great meals just keep amounting to a hill of beans.

Bring back the love with the Better Marriage Blanket.

The BMB’s activated carbon fabric layer lessens the blow of late-night bombings using technology that originated from government-issue chemical warfare suits. In other words, your Aunt Agnes’s bean-and-sausage soup has finally met its match.

Plus, it’s washable, dryable, and even flame retardant — for those nights when cabbage is on the menu.

Put one on the guest room bed and tell your family and friends. You may feel silly tooting your horn over a blanket, but don’t worry.

No one gives a poot about that.